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A 58-year-old man has sought advice from the relationship columnist Dear Deidre regarding his desire to reconcile with his 57-year-old former wife. The couple, who were married for 20 years, divorced a decade ago after the man engaged in an extramarital affair during a work trip.
The man described the period following the affair as a difficult time, noting that the couple did not speak for several years except to discuss their children. The relationship began to improve last summer after their 25-year-old daughter encouraged them to communicate. During that time, the man apologized for his past actions, which he characterized as a mistake made during a midlife crisis.
The former spouses have since established a friendship, which includes the man assisting with tasks at her home and the pair planning an upcoming week-long vacation together. Despite this progress, the man expressed uncertainty about whether he should disclose his desire to rekindle their romantic relationship, fearing that doing so might jeopardize their current rapport. He also inquired about the possibility of living together in separate bedrooms to work on their connection.
In response, the columnist advised against rushing into living arrangements, noting that such a move could place excessive pressure on the relationship. The advice suggested that the man use the upcoming vacation to observe how the dynamic develops before deciding whether to express his feelings. The columnist emphasized that if he chooses to speak to her, he should remain clear that he is not asking her to forget the past, but rather requesting an opportunity to rebuild their relationship.
